From Breaking Point to Baptism: How God Met Me in the Middle of My Pain

I didn’t grow up with a deep faith or religious routine. Church was something we did occasionally, and while I always believed in God, I didn’t really know Him. Not like I do now. It wasn’t until I found myself in one of the hardest seasons of my life, struggling with infertility that everything changed.

This is the story of how that pain brought me closer to God, led me to baptism, and gave me the peace I never thought I’d find.

The Beginning of My Faith Journey

I always knew of God growing up, but I didn’t have a close relationship with Him. I didn’t really even understand what that meant. I’d hear people talk about their faith, and I was curious how they found that kind of relationship, but I didn’t know where to start.

I met my husband just shy of my 21st birthday, and he introduced me to a different kind of relationship with God. For him, faith was his first response, his anchor and the peace it brought him was foreign to me. But I wanted that. I wanted to find it for myself.

We went to church off and on, but once we found a home church where we truly felt like we belonged, something shifted. We became more present. We started building a real community. We joined a small group for young married couples at the beginning of our TTC (trying to conceive) journey. At the time, we had no idea how impactful this group would be.

We learned so much about ourselves individually, as a couple, and as people of faith. We met other couples who had walked through similar journeys with infertility, and it made us feel less alone.

Learning to Walk With God

During that time, we were diving deeper into the Word every other week, hearing perspectives and stories from people in all different stages of their walk with God. That changed everything for me.

I had always imagined that having a relationship with God meant things would just fall into place one day that I wouldn’t have to do anything, and all my hurts would be healed and my dreams would come true. But I realized it doesn’t work that way.

Like any relationship, you have to invest in it. You have to grow it. Even those who were raised in the church and have had faith their entire lives still have to nurture it daily, intentionally, imperfectly.

This helped me so much as the days turned into months, and the months turned into years. We were still trying, still waiting, and still not getting pregnant. I learned how to lean into God in those moments, how to pray, how to trust.

The Breaking Point That Changed Everything

At one point, multiple friends around me began announcing their pregnancies—and each one seemed to hit harder than the last. One night, a close friend reached out to tell me personally that she was pregnant before she shared it publicly. I will always be grateful to her for that. She gave me space to feel, to grieve, and to process without having to do it in front of everyone.

But I’m also thankful because that night changed everything for me.

I was genuinely excited for her, but completely heartbroken for myself. I had been crying for hours and decided to take a shower to try to relax. There was a heaviness in my chest that I couldn’t shake.

And in the shower, something happened. I prayed, really prayed for the first time.

I had always struggled with prayer. I never knew the “right” words. But this time, I didn’t need them. The only word I could say over and over was peace. That’s all I wanted. Whether or not I ever became a mom, I just needed peace.

And then it came.

That heaviness lifted. I felt an overwhelming wave of calm, like something holy had wrapped itself around me. It was like God whispered directly to my heart: I am your peace. Rest in Me.

The word “baptism” suddenly flooded my thoughts. As soon as I stepped out of the shower, I went straight to our church’s website and signed up to be baptized at the next available opportunity.

The clarity was unreal. I’ve never experienced anything like it since but I carry that moment with me always.

May 21, 2023 — The Day Everything Changed

The day I was baptized. The day I said “yes” to Jesus, not just in belief, but in surrender. It was the start of something new.

Since my baptism, I’ve learned that peace doesn’t come from everything going right it comes from knowing I don’t have to carry it all alone. My relationship with God has shifted from something distant and uncertain to something deeply personal. I no longer just believe in Him, I walk with Him.

That day in the shower was a turning point, but it wasn’t the end of the struggle. Life didn’t suddenly become perfect. There are still hard days. Still unanswered questions. But the way I move through them is different now. I’ve learned to pray not just for what I want, but for God’s will, for wisdom, and for endurance.

And peace has followed. Not because the storm is gone, but because I know I’m not standing in it alone.

Motherhood Through the Lens of Faith

Motherhood feels different now, too. I still have fears. I still wrestle with doubt. But I bring those things to God instead of carrying them alone. I’ve learned to see the waiting and even the pain as part of the story. Not a punishment, but a path to something deeper.

Now, every little moment, every giggle, every late-night feeding, every challenge feels like a gift. A grace I wouldn’t have fully understood if I hadn’t been broken open first.

To the Woman Who's Still Waiting

If you're in a season of waiting right now waiting to become a mom, waiting for healing, waiting for peace, I see you. I remember what it felt like to be angry, exhausted, and out of hope. I remember watching others celebrate what I was still begging God for, and wondering if He even saw me.

Let me tell you: He does.

Your prayers are not too small. Your tears are not unseen. And your breaking point? It might just be the beginning of something holy.

Don’t be afraid to cry out to God even if it’s messy, even if you don’t have the words. He wants you as you are, not some polished version of you. Ask Him to meet you where you are. Invite Him in. He’s already there, waiting.

You don’t have to have it all figured out to start walking in faith. You just have to be willing.

Even in the darkest moments, peace is possible.

Not because the pain disappears, but because God draws near.

You are not forgotten. You are not alone. And your story? It’s far from over.